don’t tell zaide
the guy behind the glass window at the embassy had to ask my mother, “why is your son not with you today?”
without missing a beat, the woman who once paid for hundreds of sachets of cream silk so my hair could give off halos, stared at him, bared her teeth and hissed, “he’s currently having lunch with the president!”
i am quite confident that it was not as dramatic as i imagined it to be, but she was telling the truth about the lunch and well, my hair did give off halos.
meet lemuel: finished 8th place at the recent board exams for physicians. et cetera. listing down his achievements here will just crash your browser. and as he was one of the first gentleman’s scholars, a lunch was bound to happen. it just was. and i was invited.
next to the table where i was sitting, julie yap-daza was being the goddess that she is. in my religion, if you have the balls to ask richard gomez on your late-night show if he’d do you for a night, i’ll say your novenas. and yeah, charito planas was there. i did not like her.
mike arroyo, face heavy with face powder and lips blinding from too much shiny lipstick, arrived on time for the occasion. a few made a beeline towards him and well, lubricated themselves in. cameras flashed. smiles painted on. then something happened. he started to approach me. now, while this was all going on, i was busy texting my amazing fag hag, asking her what i was supposed to do with the cutlery placed above my plate. i am usually fine with spoons, forks, knives, scalpels and microwave ovens so long as they are neatly lined up on either side of the plate. place any of them somewhere else and i get anxiety attacks.
and it was too late to ask cathy how i was supposed to address the better-half of the country’s bite-sized powerhouse.
his crotch was a few inches from my face and his hand was sticking out, waiting for me to take it. still sitting, i grabbed his hand and said, “hi, nice meeting you.” stupid. stupid. stupid.
lem, should you be reading this, please do not forget to invite me for the oslo or the copenhagen version of that ceremony. i’ll come with a script.
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pic from: http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1063341778565_2003/09/12/13wldarroyo.jpg
